Trick or Treat?? And other LIES!

Without a doubt, Hallowe'en is my FAVORITE of all holidays EVER invented. It is the one day of the year that our usual social rules do not apply. We dress in costumes, pretending to be something we are not when typically we are taught to be proud of who we are. We take candy from strangers despite that being rule #1 of child safety (anyone else know the story of Hansel and Gretel?). Good natured pranking is tolerated and useless explosive devices (AKA fireworks) cease to be a safety hazard and are celebrated instead. Candy becomes a reasonable addition to EVERY meal and we purposefully try to frighten one another! What other holiday can compare? NONE! I say NO THANKS to Thanksgiving and VAMOOSE to Valentines Day! Hop along out of here Easter and Christmas is too expensive to truly enjoy.

I take this holiday seriously. I have experienced 46 Hallowe'ens. I have MAYBE not dressed up for perhaps 5 of them...possibly less. My apartment building does not allow Trick or Treating so each year I must find something Halloweenish to do as staying home is NOT an option. I typically find someone with children that plan on Trick or Treating and follow them around in my costume pretending to just want to show off my costumes and be part of the festivities. This is a LIE. Secretly, I am wishing I could be Trick or Treating too. Outwardly I become the character I am dressed as. I will BE the Jedi or Satan or Pirate. I laugh. I encourage the kid's shenanigans but this is just a means to mask the resentment I feel inside. You see, I am of the belief that if you feel the spirit of Hallowe'en, and are dressed up, and doing the work of walking door to door YOU DESERVE CANDY TOO, dammit! In fact, I probably deserve candy even MORE than kids! How do kids contribute to Hallowe'en, or any holiday? They don't have money to buy the candy. They don't have the skills to make a costume. They can't be out alone and require adult supervision. Honestly, kids are freeloaders. There! I said what you are all thinking anyways! So WHY is Hallowe'en yet another holiday centered around kids? They already get Easter and Christmas. They get Summers off of school. They aren't expected to work. WHY do they get all of the fun, and therefore all of the candy? Adults that have procreated (have spawned their own freeloaders) have the option of stealing their own children's candy after they go to bed but what is a childless 46 year old to do?? Buy their own candy?? NO! Buying your own candy does ensure you only receive good candy BUT it does not give the variety one requires. Crappy candy and how one deals with it is all part of the Trick or Treat experience. It teaches real life skills such as dealing with disappointment and is essential for personal growth.

I think it is time for a change in regards to Trick or Treat culture. Hallowe'en has been an ageist holiday for far too long and it it time to change it to be more inclusive for all. As adults we must fight to reclaim All Hallows Eve as OURS! I beg of each and every one of you...if ANYONE AT ANY AGE arrives on your doorstep on Hallowe'en in costume, don't be a cheap bastard AND GIVE THEM SOME CANDY!!!! (Especially if it is a 46 year old woman dressed as a Scarecrow, Jedi, Pirate, Star Trek character, Hogwarts student, card shark, Satan or Banana)