SPEAK UP!!

For those of you that have spent any amount of time with me know that sometimes...I say weird shit. The answers I give to questions are unexpected or downright strange. Sometimes...I don't even answer your questions or catch on to the topic of conversation. Other times, when I am trying to learn new things, I only grasp concepts after I ask tons of dumb follow up questions...and still manage to get things wrong. I have also been known to simply not answer or react to inquiries.

Most people accept my oddness as part of the "Tricia Package" and don't say much to me but I know that when these moments of weirdness happen, people must be thinking either "That Tricia has such a strange one!" or perhaps they are giggling to themselves thinking "Silly stoner Tricia is at it again! I want what she is smoking!" Others may think "Her behavior is rude. The ignoring of questions or abruptly changing topic of conversation make Tricia a difficult person to converse with." For many years now I have been questioning my intelligence and ability to focus. Am I experiencing early dementia? Have I given myself a brain injury after the many falls I have taken over the years? Have I killed one too many brain cell from overconsumption of marijuana? All of these possibilities were TERRIFYING because they were self diagnosed by Googling my symptoms. I finally took the time to see a Doctor and the good news is...I'M NOT STUPID!! I AM JUST DEAF!!

Although I am relieved that my issue is not more serious I have mixed feelings about this turn of events. To start with, my hearing loss is a result of ageing. Yes, it is a natural part of life. Yes, it is common and nothing to be embarrassed about BUT I still feel like I haven't grown up yet so I am resisting the truth. THEN there is the matter of getting fitted for hearing aids. I am looking forward to not having to struggle to comprehend what is going on and being forced to read lips to follow a conversation, but I am a single girl, looking for love. I am deeply concerned that if I am making out with a hot guy and he puts his tongue in my ear...will he get an electric shock??! I fear this would prevent a second date from happening and I am unsure if this is a risk I am willing to take. Hearing aids will likely decrease my COOL factor. It's bad enough I am blind as a bat and need glasses already. Hearing aids seem like punishment for getting old. I am not in a position to rely on my looks. My COOL factor is all I have. I cannot afford to lose that.

Did you know that they don't post actual prices of hearing aids online? They post cryptic messages like "Only $111.00 per month" but casually neglect to enter how many months you will be paying that $111.00 for. Do hearing aids work like cell phones? Do we need to make monthly payments for the rest of our lives if we want to make use of their service? Perhaps I will start visiting Antique shops, looking for an old fashioned ear horn? It would be more cost effective and perhaps I'll start a new fashion trend?

In the mean time dear Cult Members, remember that I wasn't ignoring you...I just wasn't HEARING you so please SPEAK UP!