Celebrate Easter Solo...COVID style

I love Easter. I love the long weekend, I love big family dinners, chocolate egg hunting and celebrating the arrival of Spring. Sadly this year, thanks to COVID 19 and the current travel restrictions in place, I have been forced to modify my usual Easter traditions in favor of socially distant activities. This is my second year doing this holiday by myself and I don't want to brag but I am an expert at it now. If you too are alone for this holiday, please read on. Allow me to share a few tips on how to celebrate Easter solo during a quarantine.

Tip #1: Get black out DRUNK and or stoned right before bed time and hide eggs all around your home. If you are sufficiently wasted, you won't remember where you hid them and then in the morning you get to have an old fashioned Easter egg hunt!! Pro tip: Buy some of those plastic eggs that you can put treats into and fill them with Tylenol and ant-acids. You are going to need them for that hangover you now have. Depending on how good you are at hiding things, I do not suggest using real eggs (Stick to candy) in case you fail to retrieve your stash. Believe me when I say you do NOT want a home that smells like rotten egg! Your neighbors will assume it is a natural gas leak and Fortis will keep knocking on your door demanding answers. Another benefit to candy eggs that don't get found is if you have a fall and can't get up, you may be able to survive on the chocolate eggs that rolled under the couch. WARNING: People with dogs must only hide eggs OUT of reach of their pooch otherwise you will have NO EGGS to find when you wake and you will get weird looks when you pick up doggy poop filled with colorful tin foil.

Tip #2: This suggestion is in case you are desperate for company and do not want to have to cook your own Easter feast. Just dress like Elmer Fudd (Don't forget the rifle) and head to your local park. Poke around the bushes and whenever anyone asks what you are doing say "Sshhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits!" This will undoubtedly cause alarm but THAT IS THE POINT of this exercise! We are trying to connect with our fellow man. One of 2 things will happen. 1) They join you in the wabbit hunt. Wear your mask and keep 6 feet apart BUT if this person shows up dressed like Bugs Bunny MARRY THEM NOW and ask questions later! or...2) they call the police and you get arrested. In this scenario, you do NOT eat Easter all alone because you get to eat with the other inmates!! You may only be served bread and water but it is better than cooking for one.

Tip #3: Become one with nature and explore the signs of Spring that are in your neighborhood. Observe the buds on the trees and the bees in the gardens. Take time to sniff those roses and roll in the grass naked if you want to acknowledge the pagan roots of this holiday. THEN take photos to document your findings. If you live in the BC Lower Mainland, follow this up by loudly and proudly bragging on social media about how beautiful your hometown is with said photos of cherry blossoms etc. Your friends and family in snow laden parts of the world will be jealous because they are shoveling a driveways while you are scrubbing grass stains off your knees. Listening to them be envious of your situation is a great way to get over being miserable about celebrating a holiday alone.

May you find health and happiness, dear Cult Members, however you choose to welcome the beginning of Spring this year! Happy Easter to all! Hugs...from a safe distance.